State of the Union

Today, I promise to work on my novel, a never ending tale I started in 1979, a pivotal year for me.

And I have worked on this story over the years, as well as others, so it will see the light of day, but the truth is I made a pact with myself to NOT DIE until I’m published so naturally, I’ve been procrastinating.

Everything comes to ‘take away’ said somebody once – meaning that life is filled with roadblocks, obstacles, tsunamis, and hurricanes. We are severely tested in every moment and no one gets out alive. We are the Walking Dead, just trying to not die, and not suffer too much. But I’ve come to realize that there is a fundamental Darkness that overwhelms each of us in its own way. I like to think I have indestructible happiness but its an electrical connection with the universe that suffers interruptions and hiccups and outtages. and I don’t think outage is spelled with one t.

so it is the Next Day, and I did not work on my novel yesterday as planned, but I planned some more. I’ve started using my phone as a dayplanner though my life is a collection of ‘notes’ and post its and what nots. I have found some truly inspiring passages in the bowels of my computer and my files but still can’t tell you where they are. I started Spring Cleaning last spring and now it is November. I don’t know why I’m so dysfunctional and disorderly but I try not worry about my mental health for fear that I have TBI…

Once, as a five year old, my dad took me to the Firehouse and I went to play on the Firetrucks. I climbed all the way to the top while my dad and the other men sat in the office smoking cigars, and when I stood up straight on top of the truck, I got dizzy and remember looking at the concrete floor before I nosedived into it. I think I have vertigo, but aside from that, I remember feet running out from the office to rescue me and recall nothing after that. They didn’t see what happened so I passed out. And, they are First Respnders, First Aid men. When I woke up, I spit up blood, and was rushed to the hospital. I remember being in and out of consciousness and there was a horrific car accident on the way to St. Elizabeth’s Hospital so I got up to see what happened.

I had a concussion. They took me home and I slept for five days. Actually I don’t know what happened, but nobody seemed overly concerned and life went on. Only later, I suffered nosebleeds, headaches, and some behavioral problems that could be associated with brain trauma.

One thing I do remember is waking up again in the hospital and being Psychic. Hearing voices, connecting to the fabric of people and the high tension wire that is life in an ER….That psi condition remained with me for life and is a burden and a blessing, but I only corralled it with medication and meditation and yoga…

The most significant example of this is in the days lea